I had a visit with my Warrior Princess just about a month and a half ago and we spent some quality time together by the beach, sipping on coffee, laughing, taking photos in yoga poses, checking out men, and just chatting about life. Of course, so much was said in such a short time, and we parted ways (as always), but so much stuck with me in the days following.
After our meet up, I felt like I was finally ready to gather my thoughts and put together "my list." A list that I had been subconsciously creating and adding to for months, years even. I reached a point where I was now able to sit down, put pen to paper, and [with confidence] jot down my ultimate desires and deservances. I understand that as I continue to mature, this list may evolve, but for now, it is what it is and I am sticking to it!
This is a list of qualities I am looking for in a future life partner. I am at the 20 mark and will say that about 10 of them are non-negotiable. It is easy to look back and see all of those many excuses I made for myself, and for that other person if they fell short in something I valued. In reality, I was just blinding myself to what really was, maybe by love, maybe by comfort, or maybe by the fear of letting go and never again finding something just as special.
I am a newly single gay man, 31 years old, living in the center of "Hollywood", and it is 2015. I am slightly overwhelmed to understand that I am now entering the dating world in an age of instant gratification. An age in which we are being directed by our egos. I, of course, am somewhat prepared, having struggled with impulsive behavior in one facet or another [I grew up in it!]. However, when it comes to LOVE, it is a bit daunting. People meet, they wed, they have children, and they divorce (or drop you like a hot potato) in the blink of an eye. Where's the commitment?
Less people are taking the time to live and grow and understand who they are on their own before deciding to come together and say "I do" with someone just as prepared. I have found it to be such a gift to be stranded on the opposite coast, where everything is unfamiliar and new and scary and where (at times) can be very lonely. I have cultivated a deeper relationship with myself, my God, and the Universe in these recent few months than I have in the last several years.
Part of me wonders if personal evolvement is possible when you are suffocated by another human and the daily grind of life. Just like a tomato plant, I feel as if we need adequate space and proper support (a strong spiritual core) for good fruit production. This is especially hard when you have the tendency like me to be a people-pleaser or nurturer at heart. It turns into more about what they need, what they desire and what makes them happy, and less about finding ultimate joy and contentment within yourself. Clear and simple, that is not authentic living.
For me, it was easy to get distracted, lost, and to live in the shadows. It was easier to give up on myself then to do "the work." I understand self-exploration and realization comes at different times for different folks, but I know at least one other person out there can relate to my path.
According to scholars, “instant gratification is one of the things that keep us from long-term fulfillment.” By our wanting to satisfy our urges immediately, we lose what we hope to achieve in the long run. We are being reactive rather than proactive with our life and our decisions. Essentially, “the only problem with instant gratification is that in the end, it doesn’t give us what we really want, and in most cases it actually keeps us from deeper longings we wish to fulfill.”
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There is something else that has stayed strong with me. Six small words that were put together, spoken with power and conviction, and that remain a huge impact on my daily life. They are: "Do Not Abandon Yourself For Anyone." This does not mean you selfishly ignore or abandon your God. The Greater Power of Life [who or whatever that is to you] should always be number 1. The goal is to find a deep and intimate relationship WITH that God or higher power. To remain true to oneself, present and connected, always...
I often find myself repeating these six words whenever I get distracted or confused, or feel manipulated or uneasy about something. If it doesn't sit right, take a moment and ask yourself, "Is this me?" It is not always easy and there are times when you will get lost in the maze, but when your ultimate truth is revealed, you will know it, and the calmness that follows will confirm. It believe it is 100% true that the energy you put forth will be brought back. Patience.
Give yourself time to learn who you are and what you want, and then...
JUST BE YOU.
JUST BE YOU.
