A Time for Reflection

The changing of a new year is the perfect time for reflection. 

Just as the tides of the ocean ebb and flow, so do the tides of our lives. Our energy. Our spirits. Our perceptions. Change is the rhythm of living, and should we allow it in and choose to rock our truths [or follow our bliss], the universe will open doors where there were only walls... 

The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek. — Joseph Campbell

For me, this year was pure gold. One gift after another. I have no doubt it is because I took a risk, starred fear directly in the eyes, and chose to trust fully. I set out on a truth seeking journey, alone, battled with myself, reaped reward, and then with arms wide open, welcomed health, joy, and love right back in. 

This week, I hopped on the #2015bestnine bandwagon, which pulls most-liked moments from your Instagram feed, and was pleasantly reminded of all the many things I accomplished and am to be grateful for this year. I find the Instagram platform to be a wonderful way to collect cherished memories, as well as a great form of photo journalism. 

Although I consider every day alive and breathing to be a "top-hit" kind of day, here are just 9 special moments throughout my year; all in which have taught me something and/or impacted my spiritual quest and pursuit of happiness.

 

1. When the US Supreme Court legalized same-sex marriage nationwide. Sharing this monumental day in history with my beautiful parents in San Francisco's Castro District. I will never forget this day.

2. Griffith Park Observatory. A reminder of all the adventures had with my sister before we parted ways. I am thankful for her love and support, and to have been able to share my first few months in LA, together.

3. The day I interviewed and landed a job at the world's largest mass media group. A GREAT reminder that with a vision, hard work, perseverance, and confidence, anything is possible.

4. Runyon Canyon, my new stomping ground and backyard. Thankful for the ability to step outside my little studio apartment and have good weather, breathtaking views, and hike nature all-year-round.

5. Beautiful beach days in sunny Southern California. I love that it is so easy to seek out water here. It is always magical and a great tool to achieve peace, calm and balance.

6. Thankful for my Warrior Princess, with whom I am able to check-in/recalibrate with on a monthly basis. She holds me accountable and creates a safe space for open conversation. Bilateral stimulation at Torrey Pines is the best!

7. A new healthy diet. A new me. Originally gluten-free at the start of the year and now I call it "low-carb." I look healthier and feel more energized than ever. Sticking with it.

8. Just another day at the beach. But more importantly, I remember this day as one where I went on a solo retreat. Getting to know myself and gaining independence. I think it is a good thing when you can be happy and content in solitude. 

9. When still shots of my days on SNL ended up in the 40th Anniversary Taschen book. A surefire reminder of my passion, drive, and past accomplishments, as well as to continue to dream big and work hard.

GET DELIBERATE.

GET INSPIRED.

GET GOING.

Cheers to "Getting It" in 2016!

OWN IT.

It is no coincidence that I should be reminded to "OWN IT" by three different people in a matter of twenty-four hours. Once by a mentor, another by a family member, and finally, by a stranger, who oddly enough has felt like more of a friend these days.

In reading "Tiny Beautiful Things: Advice on Love and Life from Dear Sugar" by Cheryl Strayed (the stranger), her words really struck a chord. Gracias AMD for leading me to this sweet book.

Dear Sugar says, "Whatever happens to you belongs to you. Make it yours. Feed it to yourself even if it feels impossible to swallow. Let it nurture you, because it will."

OWN IT.

It could be an awful breakout on your face from stress, or suddenly you've lost your job because of cut backs at your company, or maybe you suffer from a broken heart due to a massive betrayal by your life partner. Whatever it is, gigantic or minuscule in perspective, It is yours (and yours alone)...

OWN IT.

Not only is it a means of cultivating courage in our imperfections, but it is also a means of cultivating courage in our hardships, loss, pain, and suffering. Making the rights choices and remaining real, honest, and authentic instead of running away. A key ingredient during this practice is to be easy with yourself. My Warrior Princess has instilled in me the importance of gentility, and she knows her sh*t! :)

OWN IT.

Oprah Winfrey's brand is, of course, another tool for self-empowerment and "OWN"ing IT. She has highlighted (7) ways that create power within by using personality and drive. I would positively agree that these points are worth meditating on, and practicing, in your daily life:

1.) Rise above pain. Losses are just life posts pointing you in a new direction. 

2.) Reframe disappointments. Find strength (and trust) in the struggle. 

3.) Engage your drive. Keep on keepin' on.

4.) Run your own race. Find your gift and give it all you've got. For you.

5.) Be yourself. Align your personality and purpose.

6.) Pay it forward. Be generous and compassionate to others.

7.) Look forward to your future. "Dream as large a life as you want."

OWN IT

&

RECALIBRATE YOUR REALITY. 

Torrey Pines State Beach ~ 2015

“Hardships often prepare ordinary people for an extraordinary destiny.”

― C.S. Lewis

Be True to Yourself

I had a visit with my Warrior Princess just about a month and a half ago and we spent some quality time together by the beach, sipping on coffee, laughing, taking photos in yoga poses, checking out men, and just chatting about life. Of course, so much was said in such a short time, and we parted ways (as always), but so much stuck with me in the days following.

After our meet up, I felt like I was finally ready to gather my thoughts and put together "my list." A list that I had been subconsciously creating and adding to for months, years even. I reached a point where I was now able to sit down, put pen to paper, and [with confidence] jot down my ultimate desires and deservances. I understand that as I continue to mature, this list may evolve, but for now, it is what it is and I am sticking to it!

This is a list of qualities I am looking for in a future life partner. I am at the 20 mark and will say that about 10 of them are non-negotiable. It is easy to look back and see all of those many excuses I made for myself, and for that other person if they fell short in something I valued. In reality, I was just blinding myself to what really was, maybe by love, maybe by comfort, or maybe by the fear of letting go and never again finding something just as special.

I am a newly single gay man, 31 years old, living in the center of "Hollywood", and it is 2015. I am slightly overwhelmed to understand that I am now entering the dating world in an age of instant gratification. An age in which we are being directed by our egos. I, of course, am somewhat prepared, having struggled with impulsive behavior in one facet or another [I grew up in it!]. However, when it comes to LOVE, it is a bit daunting. People meet, they wed, they have children, and they divorce (or drop you like a hot potato) in the blink of an eye. Where's the commitment?

Less people are taking the time to live and grow and understand who they are on their own before deciding to come together and say "I do" with someone just as prepared. I have found it to be such a gift to be stranded on the opposite coast, where everything is unfamiliar and new and scary and where (at times) can be very lonely. I have cultivated a deeper relationship with myself, my God, and the Universe in these recent few months than I have in the last several years.

Part of me wonders if personal evolvement is possible when you are suffocated by another human and the daily grind of life. Just like a tomato plant, I feel as if we need adequate space and proper support (a strong spiritual core) for good fruit production. This is especially hard when you have the tendency like me to be a people-pleaser or nurturer at heart. It turns into more about what they need, what they desire and what makes them happy, and less about finding ultimate joy and contentment within yourself. Clear and simple, that is not authentic living. 

For me, it was easy to get distracted, lost, and to live in the shadows. It was easier to give up on myself then to do "the work." I understand self-exploration and realization comes at different times for different folks, but I know at least one other person out there can relate to my path.

According to scholars, “instant gratification is one of the things that keep us from long-term fulfillment.” By our wanting to satisfy our urges immediately, we lose what we hope to achieve in the long run. We are being reactive rather than proactive with our life and our decisions. Essentially, “the only problem with instant gratification is that in the end, it doesn’t give us what we really want, and in most cases it actually keeps us from deeper longings we wish to fulfill.”

****

There is something else that has stayed strong with me. Six small words that were put together, spoken with power and conviction, and that remain a huge impact on my daily life. They are: "Do Not Abandon Yourself For Anyone." This does not mean you selfishly ignore or abandon your God. The Greater Power of Life [who or whatever that is to you] should always be number 1. The goal is to find a deep and intimate relationship WITH that God or higher power. To remain true to oneself, present and connected, always...

I often find myself repeating these six words whenever I get distracted or confused, or feel manipulated or uneasy about something. If it doesn't sit right, take a moment and ask yourself, "Is this me?" It is not always easy and there are times when you will get lost in the maze, but when your ultimate truth is revealed, you will know it, and the calmness that follows will confirm. It believe it is 100% true that the energy you put forth will be brought back. Patience.

Give yourself time to learn who you are and what you want, and then...

JUST BE YOU.

Say YES!

Isn't is interesting that the word "no" just happens to be one of babies first most common words? Its like our entire life is a means of learning how to say "yes." Its like some kind of bizarre backwards storytelling. As a parent, there are ways to tackle the constant "no" coming from a toddlers mouth, and I've realized it's not too far off from the same way we can manage our own daily-adulthood-decision-making.

1. Offer the appearance of options. 
2. Teach other responses.
3. Use "no" sparingly.
4. Stand your ground.

  Let's be clear in saying "yes" is best. It can be a simple "yes" when invited to go out for a quick coffee with a friend, a "yes" when offered a luxurious spa treatment for your birthday or a more monumental "yes" when a group of co-workers ask to throw a retirement bash on your behalf. Whatever the specific situation may be (and with good judgement, of course), I've learned that saying "yes" is absolutely, positively, the best.

I've had moments in life where saying "yes" was easy, as well as dark periods when speaking that 3-letter, 1-syllable word felt nearly impossible. I believe that saying "yes" is simultaneous to the act of receiving and that the outcome, in some measure, is based on your own sense of worthiness and how you engage in honest living. These days, I am more conscious of how I respond every time an invite, call, gift or opportunity is thrown my way, and I've come to the conclusion that saying "yes" will set you free (and in more ways than you'd expect).

I recently stumbled upon a write-up that solidified my preexisting thoughts on saying "yes." The title is, "5 Reasons to Say Yes (Even When No Seems Easier)"...When "no" seems easier ...Right?! Sometimes we're just too tired. Sometimes we just don't want to be bothered. Sometimes, sometimes, sometimes. There will always be an excuse to resist. Truth is, the good things in life come to those who take risks and say "yes."

I'm not saying that throwing away an invite or turning down a job offer isn't always the right decision for you at the time, but in the end, it is really a matter of learning to receive and accept wholeheartedly, especially when your gut is saying "yes", but your head is saying "no." Those are the most opportune occasions to try switching up the vocabulary. Sometimes it's a test and sometimes those circumstantial "yeses" are actually meant to be life's guideposts.

5 Reasons to Say Yes (Even When No Seems Easier):

1. Experience something new and different. Right? You only live once.
2. Find unexpected opportunities. Might just lead you to to your ultimate happy place.
3. Overcome fear and insecurity. They are only delusions. Free yourself.
4. Meet new people (and future friends!). Cause aren't we meant to be amongst other humans?
5. Venture outside comfort zones. Stepping outside your comfort zone can lead to big rewards.

 Here are some more words that speak loudly (from a different angle):

"Until we can receive with an open heart, we are never really giving with an open heart. When we attach judgement to receiving help, we knowingly or unknowingly attach judgement to giving help."  ~Brene Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection

Receiving is just as vital as giving. Saying "yes" should be (at minimal) balanced out with all those times you say "no."  Stop waiting, stop procrastinating, stop cowering, stop the autopilot, stop and think about how many times you've turned something down or sat stagnant. 

Start doing, start living, start benefiting, start surviving, and expect that you will fail and/or be disappointed at the drop of a hat. It is all part of life's journey, so accept, move forward and start with one big fat over-the-top "YES!" You will be happy you did.

 

Walking the Tightrope

In recent months, I've come to realize that life is one big balancing act, and that there has to be equal distribution in all areas in order to produce equilibrium (happiness). Yes, of course, some things outweigh others [and yes, we all consciously decide what we believe is more valuable than the other], but when you "step out" on that tightrope, you've got to be certain that your "center of mass" is equally distributed OR ELSE.

In thinking about this, I decided to look up the dictionary definition of the word balance. And what do you know, there are 7 ways to interpret this one word. I chose number 7.

balance

7. the power or ability to decide an outcome by throwing one's strength, influence, support, or the like, to one side or the other.

The power or ability to decide and distribute. We have SO. MUCH. POWER. Personally, I struggled with finding balance in the past. I lost sight of what was really important and may have given certain areas more attention than I should have, which ultimately led to a struggle. That is when those teaching Aha Moments come at us -- we can either choose to listen, or choose to ignore and continue on the same destructive path to nowhere. These moments are constant.

I am 31 years old and I finally feel grounded. I finally feel like I'm making the right choices and I know what I want. I know what I'm looking for, and if I doubt myself, I know how to sit quiet and listen to that internal guide [we all have]. I'm creating new and healthy habits that will stay with me for the rest of my life. To quote Marci Shimoff, "I am building my Inner Home for happiness." 

In a sense, there has to be balance when building a home or else it will deteriorate faster and eventually collapse. You need the right tools and hardware and wires. You need floorboards and four walls and a roof, and well, it needs to be manufactured in just the right way if you want it to last you a lifetime.

There are 7 main categories that have become focal points in my life and account for the happiness and joy I find in my every day. 7 areas that have helped me find my balance. I have RL to thank for teaching me, and guiding me to MS (and many other inspiration leaders), who have all opened up so many doors in my life. 

Here they are:

1. The Foundation -- Take responsibility for your life. Show up. Self-empowerment.

2. Pillar of the Mind -- Believe in your ability to change your own thoughts and patterns.

3. Pillar of the Heart -- Gratitude, love, and forgiveness.

4. Pillar of the Body -- Make the cells of your body happy.

5. Pillar of the Soul -- Feel connected to the greater energy of life.

6. The Roof -- Live an inspired and passionate life.

7. The Garden -- Who are you surrounded by? Toxic weeds or roses?

So again, it's all about the balance. How do you rate your life? What do you meditate on? I've found that focusing on the points above has led me to a life of fulfillment, strength and pure happiness. I urge you to dig into what keeps you steady on a daily basis, sort out your list, and then start walkin' the talk [or tightrope]!

 

Torrey Pines State Beach, March 2015

 

F.E.A.R.

In peace I will both lie down and sleep, for You, Lord, alone make me dwell in safety and confident trust. PSALM 4:8

I am free from worry, reasoning and Fear; I rest in the Lord.

Fear of rejection. Fear of the unknown. Fear of failure. More and more, I realize how Fearful I became over the last few years and how it did nothing but hold me back. As I re-evaluate my past, I believe over time I hot-wired myself to over-analyze and treat life encounters as science experiments. It was almost as if before wholeheartedly trusting, in anything, I was to first follow through with the scientific method:

Emmorton Barracudas, FIRST Swim Meet, circa 1993

1.) Question

2.) Hypothesize

3.) Experiment

4.) Observe & Record

5.) Analyze

6.) Results

And if the results seemed fit (and safe) for me, I would follow through. If not, forget about it. [Let me be clear that I place no blame on parenting; I genuinely believe this quality is a common phenomenon of the human genome]. But like most personality traits, there is always rooms for further growth and development. It's all about breaking and forming habits. Confidence and a strong sense of worthiness are absolutely essential in breaking those Fear-binding habits.

Let's take a look at what F.E.A.R. really stands for when placed in acronym form:

Fear is not a finish line, it is a starting point.

F = False

E = Evidence

A = Appearing

R = Real

Fear is really just one big mind trick. It's the devil creeping in. And all of those self-destructive qualities or habits that we form over time, they are all interchangeable. They are variables in which WE control. The mind is very powerful and wants [needs] to be tested. Say this out loud, "I am never stuck, for I can always choose new thoughts and new ways of thinking." Don't settle.

Growing up, my dad would use a summer pool outing to try and get me out of this cycle of Fear. Ya know, I was one of those kids who insisted on testing the temperature of the water before taking the plunge.  But, he would encourage me to just jump in ...and only then was I able to conquer my Fear. TRUST and jump. Take a leap of faith. Yeah, it may be a little cold and uncomfortable at first, but after a few minutes you'll be happy you took the risk. Don't sit on the sidelines of life intimidated, thinking you're incapable and unworthy. A simple concept, yet sometime difficult to overcome, especially in unrelenting situations. But hey, who knows? By "jumping in" you might just become the next Michael Phelps.

What it really comes down to is not letting your mind hold you prisoner. Turn Fear into action. The more confident you become in your daily choices, the more you will understand that life supports you, and you will step forward feeling safe and protected. Reprogram and free yourself of the shackles of Fear.

Be Brave. Act Boldly. TRUST.

 

*  *  *  *  *  *

“So many people along the way, whatever it is you aspire to do, will tell you it can't be done. But all it takes is imagination. You dream. You plan. You reach. There will be obstacles. There will doubters. There will be mistakes. But with hard work, with belief, with confidence and trust in yourself and those around you, there are no limits." ~Michael Phelps

“I think that everything is possible as long as you put your mind to it and you put the work and time into it. I think your mind really controls everything.” ~Michael Phelps

Forgiveness

Hoʻoponopono (ho-o-pono-pono) is an ancient Hawaiian practice of reconciliation and forgiveness.

In a macadamia nut shell, Ho'oponopono is the means to make right. It is the key to ALL relationships, not only with friends and family, but even with those strangers and passer-buyers we knock arms with on a daily basis. With people. With all living things. With OURSELVES. 

When we forgive, we are liberating our souls. Letting go of angst and aggression and unnecessary pain that we humans tend to carry throughout our lives. A powerful release. I have truly found it to be a successful daily exercise for cleansing the spirit. It has become part of my mainframe and a primo addition to my ever-growing toolbox. 

Unquestionably, it is the path we must all forge in order to find deep contentment and peace in our minds, hearts and souls. Marci Shimoff refers to forgiveness as a "universal fast tract to happiness" and I wholeheartedly agree. The process consists of four simple phrases to be spoken internally or externally:

1. I'm sorry.

2. Please forgive me.

3. Thank you.

4. I love you. 

It is really as simple as that. Of course, there must be intention spoken behind these words. Believe what you speak. Focus on a group or a specific individual or a higher spiritual power or better yet, yourself ...and remain connected.  Put your hand over your heart, visualize, speak and send that energy out into the universe. Sit still and repeat the process over and over for several minutes as you fall into a zone. Not only does it promote healing, but it is also a form of meditation. Why not give it a try?

Hiking through the Ho'olawa Valley in Maui!

*Mahalo nui loa, Rebecca, for guiding me to this method. <3 

A Day Worth Celebrating

Exactly 1 year ago I disembarked from my entire world in New York City and embarked on a far-away gypsy voyage that would change my life forever. I lived on a ship for several months, attended the Winter Olympics, traveled and explored parts of Europe, Asia, and Africa I never thought I'd see, and made lifelong friendships with people from all over the world. I had 4 different employers and turned the big 3-0. I lived back home with my family for the first time since I was 18 and went on a #castillogetaway to the Dominican Republic. I drove across our great nation via Route 66, toured dozens of historic landmarks, and ate through a flood of cultures. I self-soothed, nurtured and restored brokenness, all the while kickin' it beachside in sunny Southern California. 

JFK ---> FCO

Where will I be pulled next? Who or what will be placed in my path? The unknown road. All one can do is continue to remain open, learn to embrace the homeostasis, and appreciate those found treasures along the way. Change is one of life's inevitable (and thrilling) constants, and every bit of it has been a gift to my soul. I am thankful, I am present, and I am opting in. You should, too. 3 simple ingredients: Eat + Pray + Love. Yes, Elizabeth Gilbert knows exactly what she's talking about.

Bring it, Universe! May life continue to be fruitful and flow as it should...

A few snaps from my travels: http://www.cinco.ly/~AgJAHR8buQsm

My list of cities, states and countries visited in 2014:

• Albuquerque, New Mexico
• Amarillo, Texas
• Baltimore, Maryland
• Barcelona, Spain
• Cagliari, Italy
• Checotah, Oklahoma
• Civitavecchia, Italy
• Cumberland, Maryland
• Dominican Republic
• Dublin, Ireland
• Gallup, New Mexico
• Graceland, Tennessee
• Grand Canyon, Arizona
• Havre de Grace, Maryland
• Holbrook, Arizona
• Istanbul, Turkey
• Izmir, Turkey
• Katakolon, Greece
• Kingman, Arizona
• Koper, Slovenia
• Kotor, Montenegro
• Lexington, Kentucky
• Little Rock, Arkansas
• Livorno, Italy
• Los Angeles, California
• Louisville, Kentucky
• Memphis, Tennessee
• Messina, Italy
• Monte Carlo, Monaco
• Naples, Italy
• Nashville, Tennessee
• New York, New York
• Oceanside, California
• Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
• Palermo, Italy
• Palm Springs, California
• Palma de Mallorca, Spain
• Piraeus, Greece
• Rome, Italy
• San Diego, California
• Sochi, Russia
• Split, Croatia
• Toulon, France
• Tunis (La Goulette), Africa
• Valencia, Spain
• Venice, Italy
• Williams, Arizona

“I've come to believe that there exists in the universe something I call "The Physics of The Quest" — a force of nature governed by laws as real as the laws of gravity or momentum. And the rule of Quest Physics maybe goes like this: "If you are brave enough to leave behind everything familiar and comforting (which can be anything from your house to your bitter old resentments) and set out on a truth-seeking journey (either externally or internally), and if you are truly willing to regard everything that happens to you on that journey as a clue, and if you accept everyone you meet along the way as a teacher, and if you are prepared – most of all – to face (and forgive) some very difficult realities about yourself... then truth will not be withheld from you." Or so I've come to believe.”

~ Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love